Cain and Abel
by insertappropropriatenamehere
Summary: Allen knew the bible was important to the Order. He just wanted to know what truly happened. And unfortunately, Lavi did. Drabble.


If Hoshino can mess around with the Noah, then I am definitely messing around with this.

Drabble, if you wish. Just popped into my head one day and I had to write it down.

Cain and Abel

One day, Allen decided to read the Bible. Why? Because he wanted to know more about the Noah.

Genesis: Adam and Eve, Cain and Abel.

"Hey, whatcha readin'?" Lavi chirped, since as Bookman (Junior) he could tell when anyone opened up a book and because he spent so much time in the library. Of course, he was dragging Kanda along because he just wanted to annoy the shit out of the anal-retentive exorcist.

"The bible," Allen said, holding said holy book up.

Lavi made a face. "That has to be one of the most inaccurate books ever written," he complained. "You should try the Qur'an or the Torah. They're _much _more accurate."

Kanda muttered something inaudible and probably derogatory under his breath, trying to free himself from the redhead's stranglehold without destroying anything important and bringing down the wrath of numerous Order personnel down on his head.

"Yeah, but the Bible's kinda relevant, isn't it? I was just wondering what really happened to Cain and Abel…." Allen trailed off, unsure of how to continue. "I mean, the Noah story isn't nearly true."

"Let go of me, baka usagi," Kanda snarled, attempting to kick Lavi somewhere sensitive but failing due to armored clothes and his awkward condition. One of the advantages of having a stranglehold is that the person in it can't really attack.

"Nope. Listen and learn, since your intelligence exam scores were so low," Lavi said. "They were the lowest out of all of ours'."

"I didn't even speak English back then!"

"He's that stupid?"

"Get that look off your face, stupid beansprout!"

"You're still dumb!"

Lavi sat down on the couch next to Allen, dragging a fuming Kanda down with him. "Okay. Ya see, seven thousand five hundred sixty one years, two hundred twenty one days, an' God knows how many hours ago, there was this woman named Lilith. She was this guy named Adam's first wife. Adam was the king of a nice, lovely kingdom called Eden between the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers somewhere near ancient Sumer. Then Lilith decided to get divorced 'cause Adam was eyeing another woman named Eve an' became the one who recorded the entire Cain-Abel incident in the first place."

"Umm, Lavi?" Allen asked timidly, since technically what he was about to say did not pertain to himself or the topic at hand. "I don't think Kanda can breathe."

"That's okay," Lavi chirped. "He won't die."

"Right."

"So, anyways, God manifested himself a bit more back then, ya know? Turns out Abel and Cain were special. An' that's all Lilith wrote; d'ya know how hard it is to extrapolate information when someone writes 'special'? It's so vague! We've no clue about what might've been special or even if that special had something to do with Innocence or supernatural or magical ability!"

"You were mentioning Cain and Abel?" Allen reprompted.

"Ah, right. Sorry. I go off on tangents a lot, y'know? Kinda like now, since I know too much and gotta tell it all."

"Cain and Abel," Allen said.

"Sorry, sorry. Anyways, Cain and Abel eventually became priests. Abel was a shepherd, Cain a farmer. That part is correct. So, during the annual festival, there was a contest to see who could give the best offering to God. Well, as it turns out, the people there liked their meat, so Abel was promoted over Cain. Cain was a good loser, ya know, but Abel made this incredibly bad joke, so Cain whacked him one. Abel got mad an' brained Cain with his shepherd's crook, so Cain apparently 'became angry an' stabbed Abel with a pitchfork. Abel retaliated by pickin' up his brother's sickle an' stabbin' him back."

At this, Allen sweatdropped. "That's… odd," he finally offered.

"An' it gets weirder," Lavi continued. "Apparently, God had been noticing, an' he didn't like that people were fighting in his li'l paradise, so he kicked the two of them out until, as Lilith put it, 'they learned some manners for themselves,' an' then sealed Eden off from the rest of the world. So far's I know, even Noah's Ark can't make it through."

Allen nodded sagely, although his mind was reeling from the influx of contradictory information. He chose to trust Lavi's information over the Bible's.

"Ggghlk!" Kanda croaked. Allen noticed he did seem to be unaffected by the lack of air as he wasn't even turning red, puce, or blue and ignored him.

"Yeah, so Abel ran off to join the Amazon peoples in the Amazon basin in Brazil. They're nudists, y'know. Cain ran off t'somewhere in Asia. Bookman thinks Japan 'cause o' Kanda's name."

"What's so special about it?" Allen asked as Kanda made another choked, gurgling noise.

"Have ya seen how it's written?" Lavi asked, smiling. "Kanda's descended from some pretty powerful people, ya know. Bookman thinks Cain created his own little kingdom over in Japan until the Earl appeared."

"K-A-N-D-A," Allen said, spelling out the romanji form of Kanda's name. "What's so special about it?"

"In Japanese, Allen," Lavi said, sweatdropping. He picked up a pen that some random finder had left behind and wouldn't be finding and wrote down a pair of symbols. "This is-" "Mmmmph!" "-for Kanda's name," Lavi explained patiently, pointing to the one on the right. "Y'see this complicated one on the right? That means 'God', and the geometric one that looks like a cross inscribed in a box means 'field'. So Kanda's name mean's 'God's field'. Kinda interestin' hmm? They've even got a river in Edo named after him."

"Ghhrk," Kanda protested. Allen noticed that the Japanese exorcist of now dubious ancestry had maneuvered so he was lying with his back across the top of the couch.

"Is that what the big tattoo's for? Cain's mark or something like that?" Allen asked.

"What tattoo? Kanda has a tattoo?" Lavi looked interested, his hands inching under Kanda's shirt for confirmation.

"It's spreading," Allen said as Kanda, who had finally had enough, twisted his body and flipped Lavi over the couch, reversing the stranglehold.

"Shut up with the rumors," Kanda snapped. Lavi invocated and accidentally poked Kanda in the eye while trying to brain him, and the Japanese threw the hammer out the window. Lavi yelped, grabbed Mugen, and tossed the katana after it.

"This is definitely weird," Allen muttered as Kanda marched over to the now broken window and threw Lavi bodily out. Lavi, of course, grabbed onto Kanda, pulling the both of them over the sill and out into the pouring rain. There was a yelp and a smack as someone landed on Mugen and was promptly rebuked by the other.

He went back to reading and only later learned (thirty minutes later at his fifth banquet-sized snack of the day) that Komui had kicked out both Lavi and Kanda out on a mission.

It was amazing how history could repeat itself.

Done! Took me the first forty-five minutes of February 24, 2008 to type this up. I have no internet access right now, so this is why you're reading this so late.

My keyboard's throwing a fit too, so please review.

Relevant notes:

'Qur'an' is simply an archaic way of spelling 'Koran', the main holy book of Islam.

The Torah is the Jewish equivalent of the Bible, also known as the Christian Old Testament.

Unofficially, Lilith was Adam's first wife. She left him and God because she didn't feel like worshipping them and ran off. Officially, she doesn't exist.

Ancient Sumer was the first civilization to invent writing several thousand years ago. And by writing, the linguistic intelligentsia means western-style writing, not hieroglyphs.

I got the interesting bit about Kanda's name from kiri coil, author id 3901098. Any and all ideas pertaining to Kanda being related to Cain are hers. Or his.

Also, note to all you people out there: bemused does not mean amused. It means confused. Just today, I've seen at least three fics misuse it. (Sorry. It's just the SAT prep. Drives people crazy nitpicking details.

And now it's two in the morning. I should get some sleep.


End file.
